Full Time Family; Guilt

We’ve all been there. We’ve all asked ourselves – Am I doing the right thing for my family?

The answer is usually yes.

When I stayed home with Lottie and did some from home contract work, I lost sleep at night over bills, our stagnant savings, how stressed my husband was at work and how no one expected him to help me  with the overwhelming amount of work a baby requires because I was “home all day” –  I’ve never worked harder in my life than when I was at home full time.

I thought when I was back at work full time that guilt would go away but no. Now I lose sleep over not being able to give 100% of my mind, time and talents to a job I like and while at the same time not being able to give 100% to the family and home I love. It’s like I have a foot in each world and can’t step fully into either of them.

Yet, despite any guilt I feel at dropping her off at preschool every morning, Lottie is fed, dressed, clean and absolutely thriving. She loves her friends, her teacher, her school playground and learning to read. The house is clean (not always tidy but clean), fridge full of food, and bills paid. And no matter how tired or ‘over it’ we are, being married to my best friend is as good as ever. That two hours between Lottie’s bedtime and our bed time Hubby and I do not stop talking like we haven’t seen each other in months – we only kissed each other goodbye 9 hours ago!

I will always feel guilty. I will always feel like it’s not enough, or I’m screwing it up. But as I’m starting to discover – so does everyone else. Just trust your instincts, ask for help and change whatever isn’t working for your family.

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